Diary Of An ADI

My dad is suffering from macular degeneration, and over the last few years has been finding it harder and harder to read newspapers. He has been using a large magnifying glass until lately, but even that isn’t working too well now as you can imagine.

I’m kicking myself for not having thought that something like this exists sooner – but he has been given a Bierley Monomouse to try out. Bierley’s own website is here.

Bierley Monomouse

It is basically shaped like a computer mouse (but bigger), and consists of a camera and LED illumination in the housing, and you plug it into the A/V socket on your TV. It then displays a magnified image of the newspaper or magazine (or letter, etc.) as you sweep over it.

I have to be honest and say that for something so simple, it is rather incredible. I just wish I’d have though of this with all the cameras I’ve been playing with over the last few years. It is a simple – but brilliant – idea.

The only suggestion I would have is that the TV version could do with a zoom control – but obviously that would put the price up from the very reasonable £89.00 for the black & white version. There is a colour one, too (£129.00) and various ones for your PC.

I’ve been getting a lot of hits from people using the search term “do you get a lot of pupils with [insert franchise name here]?”

This is an extremely naïve question (no offence to anyone who asked it).

If you have two identical ADIs living next door to each other, both available the same number of hours a day, same number of days a week, both qualified at the same time, both started with the franchise at the same time – basically, IDENTICAL to each other in every way – then the only thing you can say is that they will get roughly about the same amount of work passed on to them by their franchise (assuming their franchise treats them both identically, of course).

The big question is “how much work will that be?” And this is where it is impossible to be specific or treat anything other than as a probability.

Where Do You Live?

If you are in a big city then there are a lot more available pupils – and a lot more desperate ADIs after them. If you live out in the sticks, there are fewer available pupils – but possibly (only possibly) fewer ADIs trying to grab them. It is impossible to be certain what the exact situation is in your area.

However, it is known that in certain large cities in the North of England and in Scotland there are a lot of ADIs relative to the number of available pupils when compared with cities in the Midlands and South East.

Not considering this is one of the biggest naivetes I see. Why ask “will [franchise] get me a lot of pupils?” when the only people who can help are those already with that franchise on your own doorstep? You’ll have no end of people telling you “no”, even when in your area the answer is closer to “yes, they have for me”.

What Hours Do You Work?

If you don’t do weekends, you lose a lot of potential pupils. If you don’t do evenings, you lose a lot of potential pupils. If you don’t do early mornings you will lose a few potential pupils. If you have to do the school run or avoid the rush hour, you will lose potential pupils. If you take a lot of holidays, you will lose potential pupils.

For all of the above, you may even lose some existing pupils if you aren’t flexible.

I’m not saying you should be available 24/7. But if you are only available 5/5 then you are basically part-time and maybe need to do a bit of serious thinking about what you want out of this.

Which Franchise Are You Talking About?

If it’s one of the big national schools, then probably your main concern is what it is like for everyone else in your area (and that means ADIs with the same franchise, plus all other ADIs no matter whether they are franchised or independent). Because if work is slow for most of them, it will probably be slow for you.

If you are looking at a local franchise, then you have to be careful about what they are telling you. It is dead easy to say “we can fill your diary” or “we have lots of pupils waiting” – but once you are tied to that contract there’s not much you can do if things turn out a little differently. Oh, you can leave – but that will be several months of little or no income. Can you weather such a storm, or would it send you under?

Are You Already A Working ADI?

If you are having a job keeping your head above water as an independent ADI or even with another franchise, what makes you think you will fare any better with another? If times are hard they aren’t going to magically get better just because you join BSM or the AA.

The only thing I can say is that if you are struggling to find (or get) work however you are set up at the moment, if the large national schools can’t get you work then perhaps you would have failed very quickly if you stayed where you were. I’m not saying they can guarantee anything, but it is simple logic that says if YOU are unable to generate enough work with your own advertising as a lone ADI, the larger schools are quite possibly going to have the best chance of attracting pupils with their corporate image and size. This is generally true of ANY franchise, by the way: the bigger a school is then the more effective its advertising is likely to be. But there are absolutely no guarantees: it’s just a calculated risk.

What Should I Do?

What I would advise is that you find out what the large nationals charge in your area – if it is less than £23 an hour then work might be a little hard to come by, but still plentiful enough to make a living. If it is less than £22 an hour, I would guess that work WILL be hard to come by. This is my opinion, not a fact, but I would argue it is a fairly good one! I’ve tested it many times and it is a good general guide.

Also, ask people who already work for the franchise you are interested in in your area what it is like. Make sure you find out how long they have been there, and try to find people who have just started as well as longer serving ADIs. There’s no point asking someone in Kent what it is like if you are planning on covering Sheffield! And don’t just ask someone who’s with the AA, if you are planning to go with SupaDupa School Of Motoring – get a wide range of opinions.

You will also need to be wary of what you hear. Some ADIs will tell you they are busy when they aren’t. Some of them do this to hide their lack of success (because they think it suggests they aren’t very good); others do it because they don’t want any more ADIs competing with them in their area. Others will be critical of their franchise and won’t want to say anything good about it. You’ll find that the worst ones are those who started with a franchise, then went independent at some stage after being happy with that franchise for some years – they will likely advise you to avoid franchises at all costs! Some of them will deliberately hide the fact that they were with a franchise (you see it on forums all the time) in order to put across a misleading impression to new ADIs. This is why you need to get as much information from as wide a range of people as you can, so that you can form a reasonable picture. Remember that things are different now compared to when a lot of older ADIs started out.

Important: do not listen to anyone who tells you it is definitely better as an independent or as a franchisee. They cannot possibly state this as fact.

Be flexible, especially if you are just starting out as an ADI. You can cut back your hours later, but don’t expect the work to fall into your lap ready made, for weekends and evenings to be free, and so on.

Whatever you decide, it is a gamble. No one can guarantee work.

What About The Future?

The aim of every ADI is to get a good reputation. This will generate referrals – where pupils you train will tell everyone how good you are, and this will create new pupils for you to train. But don’t be misled by people who suggest this is all that matters or that they get all their work this way because they’ve been doing it for a long time.

Referrals go in fits and starts. You might get one pupil who passes your name to many others, and as a result you get lots of new work (one of mine who passed a couple of years ago started a sequence of events which has generated around a dozen or more new pupils to date, and it is still rolling). But others pass and you never hear from them again. That’s just the way it is – and to be honest, it is people who rely solely on referrals (generally older ADIs), who are feeling the pinch these days. That’s because referrals dry up, and especially so when there are so many new ADIs coming on to the market!

If you are planning on being independent at any time, use your time with your franchise to advertise in your own right and build up your own name. Referrals are not reliable enough to work on their own – you are going to have to push yourself all the time.

This is only a quick summary, and if I think of anything else I’ll add it. But I hope it helps.

I’ve noticed something over the last week just reading newspapers and the Sunday Supplements, and it prompts the question…

Why is it that the moment someone achieves even minor celebrity status, they start covering themselves with tattoos?

I mean, they look bloody awful even when they are small and fresh, like this one on Angelina Jolie.

Why would anyone want to do this to themselves? in the first place?

But it doesn’t stop there. Most people are not Angelina Jolie (last time I checked, only Angelina Jolie was Angelina Jolie). In fact, most people are lardarses, and a tattoo’s natural progression from razor sharp obscenity to dull and smudged obscenity is accelerated by the entropy which seems to accompany most young people – especially women – these days.

So this then poses the question: Why would someone do THIS to themselves…?

When in only a year or so it will start to look like this (and I mean the alien face this guy has had covered up with the big tattoo)…

That’s what happens to them even on normal people. The colours fade and the edges blur. Let your skin start sagging or stretching and you are going to look a right prat a lot sooner than you imagined. My dad has one on his forearm that he had done when he was in the Navy when he was 18 (he’s over 80 now), and it is a hundred times more faded and blurred than this – but it has been like that for as far back as I can remember.

It seems like it is always really attractive girls who do it to themselves, as well. What can possibly be going wrong between their ears for them to want to mutilate themselves like this? Is it a variant form of self-harm?

There are some photos out there of children (even babies) with tattoos – it’s hard to be sure whether they are real or mocked up, but that is more down to my reserve than other peoples stupidity. Knowing how stupid people CAN be, I’d be surprised if there aren’t tattooed kids out there. Remember Kimberley Vlaminck who had her face tattooed and tried to blame it on the tattooist? She subsequently admitted she’d done it deliberately – so you see how stupid people are.

But you see girls out clubbing with ugly great things across their lower backs and shoulders, around their biceps (nothing uglier than a 30-something with a blurring/fading ring of thorns around her bicep – it looks plain stupid), on their ankles and feet. Why, why, why?

Is Lady GaGa any better a performer by virtue of being disfigured by a multitude of huge tattoos? It even appears that they are airbrushed out of her photos (when they are clearly visible in her videos if they aren’t covered up). So it seems people have an ambiguous attitude towards them – on the one hand, something makes them mutilate themselves, but on the other hand they try to hide the evidence the rest of the time.

Wow! What a way to start 2010!

This week the BBC has been showing a further series of  Guitar Heroes (tonight was number 4, and there are 6 in total).

Tonight, they showed Horslips playing Dearg Doom from their 1974 The Táin album.

Horslips circa 1974

Horslips (website here) were one of the best bands of all time, but being folk-rock fusion they never hit mainstream. They were the first band I ever saw live (at the Birmingham Hippodrome in 1978). Brilliant guitar and keyboards, they flipped effortlessly between heavy rock – and I mean proper heavy rock, not that laryngitis-fuelled crap you get now – and acoustic traditional Irish folk.

In fact, here is the Dearg Doom segment from the BBC programme:

They released another album ( Rollback ) a couple of years ago – a semi-acoustic retake on their older stuff with some newer tracks. I wish they’d tour again.

I really recommend checking out some of their stuff. The album The Book Of Invasions is incredible, and holds up well considering it was released way back in 1976! Also take a look at The Man Who Built America (the album tour I went to).

EDIT 01801/2010: Worth pointing out that the episodes can be viewed online using the BBC iPlayer . Don’t forget they are only viewable for a limited time.