A Driving Instructor's Blog

Movies & TV

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While I was on the Mars Rover/NASA/JPL site looking at those dust devil clips, I noticed a Google Ad. It linked to this site (it’s now dead).

For anyone who doesn’t know, 2012 was a film released last year – IMDb summarises the plot as follows:

Dr. Adrian Helmsley, part of a worldwide geophysical team investigating the effect on the earth of radiation from unprecedented solar storms, learns that the earth’s core is heating up. He warns U.S. President Thomas Wilson that the crust of the earth is becoming unstable and that without proper preparations for saving a fraction of the world’s population, the entire race is doomed. Meanwhile, writer Jackson Curtis stumbles on the same information. While the world’s leaders race to build “arks” to escape the impending cataclysm, Curtis struggles to find a way to save his family. Meanwhile, volcanic eruptions and earthquakes of unprecedented strength wreak havoc around the world. Written by Jim Beaver

When the geologist Dr. Adrian Helmsley and his team discover that the core of Earth is heating due to solar radiation, he advises the North American President about his findings. The American Govern collects money from the worldwide leaders to build arks to save them with necessary people to rebuild civilization. Meanwhile, the unsuccessful writer Jackson Curtis discloses that the world is near to end and tries to save his son and his daughter from the tragic end. Written by Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Geophysicist Adrian Helmsley officially visits India’s Dr. Satnam Tsurutani, his pretty wife, Aparna, and their son. From thence, he is led to the world’s deepest copper mine, where he finds evidence that the Earth’s crust is heating up faster than expected. He quickly collects evidence, and presents it before the President of the United States. Expecting the news to hit leading media, he is instead stunned when he learns that the powers-that-be have no intention of publicizing this catastrophe, and are intent on saving wealthy families that can shell out a billion Euros per family on four mammoth arks – without realizing that if the Earth is indeed headed for the prophetic self-destruction on 21 December 2012 – how can arks and it’s wealthy inhabitants survive?

As an aside, there are definite similarities to Ben Elton’s storyline in “Stark”. But 2012 also makes reference to the Mayan calendar (which predicts the end of the world on 21 December 2012) and other related stuff. Basically, the film is another Dan Brown/Da Vinci Code type of affair. Pure fiction, but dragging in fact and pseudo-fact.

Back to this link (it’s now dead), though. On its homepage, it says:

For Immediate Release: This is not another “sky is falling” warning like y2k… It’s not some made up event by conspiracy theorist (sic). And it’s certainly not something dreamt up for a Hollywood movie…

“2012 Is Real”

And Mainstream Media Does Not Want You To Know About It…

Why all the capitals, colours, and superfluous punctuation? Well, I guess the type of person most likely to be attracted to this sort of thing understands things better if it looks like it is made out of glitter and raffia glued to big pieces of cardboard. And, incidentally, the Y2K thing never happened because a lot of people worked to make sure it didn’t – if they hadn’t, there would have been problems.

I like the testimonial on the homepage:

“This information is beyond incredible! I was worried that I was going to get another book about 2012 that was hard to understand with the lack of evidence. Instead I received a package that blew my mind away with highly researched material that simply hasn’t been discussed before. James Sayer is the one guy who knows his stuff about the coming events in 2012. Even if you don’t believe in 2012 I still recommend everyone read this…

John Dale
Wiltshire, UK

I hope that’s not his real name. No one could be that stupid, could they? But if his ringing endorsement makes you think there might be something to all of this, the bottom of the homepage says:

You’re just moments from…

  • The real truth about Goverment Coverups, Swine Flu Pandemics and known natural disasters that are headed our way…and how people with power are not telling you everything they know…
  • Learning how you can help turn what many believe to be the darkest period in history into the most enlightened. Could universal racial harmony really be achievable?
  • The truth about the Sibylline Books and the end of the world. And how so much faith has been put in texts that turn out to be a fraud…
  • Discovering the massive “phantom” that’s hiding right behind the sun. Is it Niburu? Planet X? Something else entirely? And how will this change your survival plan?
  • An multi-pronged survival plan. Will it be Adam and Eve all over again? If so… do you have what it takes to start over for humanity?
  • The I-Ching Prophecies… Mayan calendars… Hopi Indians teachings… Aztec calendars… On what subjects are they in sync? This might blow your mind!
  • Unearthing the truth about “The Fifth Age Of Man” and whether 2012 is an ending… or a much needed new beginning for us all.
  • Realizing “The Age Of Aquarius” isn’t merely a Hippie anthem, but a time in history we’re already in. And how does this coincide with “The Age Of Completion”?
  • Discovering how you’ll deal with simple things like drinkable water… breathable air… even going to the bathroom in 2012. It may not be pretty… but you’ll have to know this stuff!

If there was an award for how many different – and completely separate – themes you could mix together at once, this guy would win hands down. But it gets better.

2012 Countdown Logo

2012 Countdown Logo

If you head on past the first page, even more crackpot claims are made – and you find that Christianity is involved in this, too. The author seems to believe every single story he’s ever heard, and has woven them into this unifying theory of his. It becomes clear that he has a series of books and CDs/DVDs – these are apparently worth $259.80.

Go to the third page to sign up, and you discover you are getting a real bargain: only $49.95 – a saving of $20.03 on the normal price of $69.99! Oh yes – this is for instant and unlimited download access to the entire package (you aren’t actually getting the books or CDs/DVDs).

The one thing burning in my mind is this: if 22 December 2012 is going to be the shittiest day on record, and if this guy is expecting to get the keys to the executive washroom in heaven, valhalla, or whatever paradise he thinks is out there, why doesn’t he give this stuff away instead of selling it? I mean, what will be the point of money if we all end up back in the Stone Age?

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Sky TV (well, GOLD on satellite and cable) has been showing these since November (that’s November 2009 – I’m noticing hits years later! This post old!)

It’s bad enough seeing them at the start and end of each commercial break (and we know how there is a commercial break every 5 minutes), but when I think I’ve got to put up with them until January… Aaaaaargh!

And that woman. “Oh, ya! Oh, yah!” And the other one “let’s party”. Damn Schweppes!

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When you do a lot of driving you listen to the radio for traffic news. But I wish I knew who it was who comes up with some of those adverts!

They’re mostly just stupid, but every now and then you get one that is just so annoying you want to scream.

A couple of years ago – around Christmas – there was one which had children and babies coughing to the tune of Jingle Bells, or We Wish You A Merry Christmas, or something like that. Nasty, wet, catarrhy coughs advertising some childrens’ cough syrup.

Then there is anything to do with Kelloggs Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. Listening to and watching actors big up the basic function of eating is annoying at the best of times (even Del-boy, Rodney, or Uncle Albert eating in one of the best and funniest UK sitcoms ever – Only Fools And Horses – is bad), but when you just have to listen… aaargh! Those Kelloggs ads are infuriating – just an excuse to have actors hamming it up by talking with their exaggerated mouths full. You can just imagine the milk running down their chins (and don’t get me started on TV adverts which involve children eating).

One of the latest ones is some idiotic ad for Volkswagen which has the actor mooing loudly (in a kind of accelerating car-kind of way). God only knows what the point is, or what car they’re advertising (because I don’t let it get anywhere near telling me before I turn off or change channels). This follows hot on the heels of a recent safety ad for motorbikes where the actor is saying ‘one-two-three-four’ in a similar way. It hurts your bloody ears. Like I say, the radio goes straight off when one of these comes on.

There’s another current one about tax credits and how to claim money if you earn less than a certain amount. They have this telephone conversation between the agent and a client, with the agent asking three basic questions: ‘Do you work more than 30 hours a week, are you 25 or over, and do you earn less than £17,000 a year’. The client is 26, works over 30 hours (with a snigger), and earns £9,000 (what a loser). The agent then tells him ‘it’s just what you’re entitled to’ – pronouncing the word ‘entitled’ as ‘en-ti-tooled’. Aaargh again!

And there’s a new one today – it’s just telling you about changes to the education system: a few paragraphs of information. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Except that the advertising genius responsible has used about 50 different people to say a few words each, and since all the voices are different – obviously to try and encompass ‘yoof culture’ in its entirety – you can’t focus on what is being said. Listening to it is like getting cramp in your brain.

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