A Driving Instructor's Blog

A reader sent me this link to an article in the Daily Mail. It identifies Audi drivers as the worst in the country at parking (it forgot to include “at driving” too, but I guess that there’s no point stating the obvious).

Anyone who has been following this blog (or the monthly ADI News version) will know that I don’t have The Audi Lanemuch time for Audi drivers. As long ago as 2008 I had begun to identify them as an exclusive bunch, i.e. exclusively a bunch of prats. When we had the first white stuff back in January this year there was an article in the newspapers about a jackass in an Audi who had deemed it “amusing” to drive at 70mph in thick snow, having cleared a tiny 8-inch porthole to look out of, and with almost a foot of the stuff on his car covering all the lights and other windows. Stories like this keep the fires well stoked.

It comes as no surprise to learn that Audis (and therefore their drivers) have been officially identified as the worst parkers by a mile.

There are two obvious reasons for this, which the news story doesn’t elaborate on. Firstly, the typical Audi driver is an arrogant pillock who doesn’t give a toss about anyone else. Secondly – and aided immeasurably by that first thing – the typical Audi driver is also devoid of any tangible driving skills.

Audis are the car of choice for the average male chav if he can afford one. Immediately, therefore, you have a mind-set whose sole purpose is to go faster than everyone else, with no regard for speed limits, and yet with almost no experience with which to be able to read normal road situations, let alone read them at speed.

One of the things I cover on lessons is what signs to look for when reading the road ahead. Dealing with buses, for example, would include subtle signs like:

  • has the bus only just stopped?
  • has it been there since it came into view?
  • is it still signalling left?
  • have the brake lights just come on?
  • is it signalling right?
  • are the hazard lights on?
  • are there people getting on or off?
  • how many?
  • is someone with a pushchair getting on or off?
  • what time of day is it?
  • how many times has the bus stopped so far?
  • and so on

By considering these sorts of things it can help drivers decide whether to go past the bus or not. And it’s the same when dealing with other road users. Questions like: does the driver in front look elderly? Is the driver messing around with something on his passenger seat? And my favourite: is it an Audi?

That’s because you can virtually guarantee that NO Audi will stay behind you – even on a single carriageway, and even if you’re driving at the speed limit. On multi-lanes, if you make the mistake of getting into the outside lane – otherwise known as the Audi lane – then you’re going to get either tailgated until you move, or overtaken on the inside. I think Audi must write this sort of behaviour into the vehicle handbook, or make it a condition of owning one.

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