Diary Of An ADI

Archive for June, 2009

In 2003, a new law was introduced in the UK which prohibits the use of handheld devices whilst driving. Initially, you could be fined a fixed penalty (£30) for doing it, then in 2007 the law changed and the fixed penalty fine was increased (£60) – plus you’d get 3 penalty points on your licence. In all cases, if the case were taken to court a fine of up to £1,000 was possible. The RoSPA site has more details.

As I drive around on lessons each day, the number of drivers blatantly ignoring this law – and getting away with it completely – is staggering. I see people flying up behind me at junctions, only to slam their brakes on because they’ve got a mobile phone stuck against their heads. I have people tailgating me, also with mobiles glued to their ears, and who would not be able to respond anywhere near quickly enough if my pupil braked suddenly. I see van drivers turning corners with one hand – intently yammering away on their mobiles. Last week, I said to a pupil “look at this guy in front. He’s got his mobile against his right ear – now look at his left arm when he moves away and changes gear“… and yes, he changed gear with his left hand whilst holding the mobile to his head with his right!

But by far the biggest danger on the roads is people texting.

Texting is the favoured activity of the moron. Or I should say, young moron. Their entire lives seem to revolve around their mobile phones and texting. You see them walking down the street in bright sunshine, oblivious to nature going on around them, shoulders hunched, thumbs curled over their mobiles.

Have you ever read one of these texts? Meaningless drivel! You can get a rough idea by going to a typical web forum (or Twitter) and looking at a typical post by a typical user with a lot of posts to their names. It’s likely to be just a bunch of ridiculous smilies and symbols – and on the rare occasions actual communication takes place, it’ll be using embarrassingly poor spelling and grammar (as I’ve already mentioned, they are morons).

But back to the main point… next time you stop at traffic lights, just have a glance around you at the drivers in other cars – and especially the young drivers. Watch their eyes.

The number of people texting whilst driving their cars is frightening. Only today I was walking past a light-controlled junction and traffic was stopping. A girl in a blue car (didn’t get the model: reg. no. YT55 AVM) was still moving, but slowing down behind another car, and as I looked down she had both hands off the wheel and was using them to text using the mobile phone in her lap.

The Police really ought to crack down on this. They could make an absolute fortune from it.

Edit 12/07/2009: Had another one today (silver Clio Sport (typical pratmobile) reg: YK55 OZB). He was in the wrong lane anyway (left turn only but he wanted to turn right). You should have seen his eyes flicking up and down as he frantically texted at the side of me as the lights were on red. As we moved off he did the typical trying-toedge-ahead routine, then managed to shoot forward and cut into a one-car-length gap in front of the car ahead of me. Disappeared at speed, only for me to catch up with him a few minutes later at traffic lights. He tailgated a car for about a mile, trying to overtake between pedestrian refuges. I saw a large gap coming and thought “this time he’ll go”. He did, and nearly hit another car head on. He vanished doing at least 50mph in a 30 zone.

Easily missed as a result of Jacko’s death, Farrah Fawcett also died yesterday.

I remember her from Charlie’s Angels when I was at school, but she had a successful – if low-key – career after that.

Another one who’ll be sadly missed. It’s a bad sign when you realise your childhood heroes (well, those people who were part of your childhood years, anyway) start popping their clogs.

I fell asleep last night and when I woke up around 4pm, I was surprised to see the same Jacksons documentary on most of the MTV/VH1 channels. I guessed something was up.

Obviously, this was confirmed this morning when I heard the news. It seems it was a heart attack. It’s a shame – no matter what you thought of him, he was a talented (if latterly, very confused) individual.

There’s a good write up in The Times. The one in The Sun isn’t too bad, either. All the other papers are covering it, of course. Best if you read those instead of me quoting anything.

I’m sure this will upset some people, but in many ways it is as significant as Elvis’ death. Not just the fact that Jacko was a superstar and supremely talented person (more so than Elvis, in my opinion), but due to the way the public is behaving already. The media has gone crazy.

Right now on breakfast TV they’re at Glastonbury interviewing people about what it means. And they’ve got a Jacko impersonator in the studio. And I took the car to the Ford dealer this morning to get it looked at (EMS fault), and on the radio they have got people phoning in with their opinions: mainly middle-aged women, clearly contemplating suicide over his death. The news channels have covered little else, though it is tiresome listening to Z-list celebrities stuttering and stammering (why is it they can’t talk properly off-screen?) for 5 minutes just to say ‘I’m shocked’.

I was never into Jacko’s kind of music, but I didn’t specifically hate what he did. I just recognised him for what he was: musically gifted.

Edit: 26/06/2009 #1 – Daytime TV is driving me nuts. Phone-in after phone-in with such gems as:

I’m just [pause]… really [pause]… really sad! He was very [pause]… very [pause]… good!

People really are idiots.

Edit: 26/06/2009 #2 – And now they have Uri Geller on the phone. I don’t think I need to say any more on that: you know what he was like at the best of times.

This is really weird – it messes with your mind!

Green/Blue Colour Illusion

Believe it or not, those green and blue bars are actually the same colour!

If you use your mouse scroll wheel and the CTRL button (in Vista) you can zoom in (Firefox also lets you zoom) – try it and look how the colours change.

This is one of the best optical illusions I have ever seen.

Saw this article in yesterday’s press.

I won’t duplicate it here, but the section titles are listed below:

• The sun is behind global warming
• The Maldives aren’t sinking (nor is Tuvalu)
• CO2 levels are not at unprecendented highs
• Polar Bears are not dying out
• And neither are Penguins
• The Gulf Stream is not under threat
• Global warming could be good for us
• There are few ‘bad’ foods
• Organic food is not better for you
• There’s no need to cut back on salt
• Turkey Twizzlers are fine
• We don’t know what causes heart disease
• Eggs rarely contain salmonella
• Cholesterol in the diet doesn’t cause fatty deposits in arteries
• There is probably little difference in the effect of saturated and unsaturated fats
• Salt doesn’t cause high blood pressure in normal people
• Mercury fillings are probably harmless

I’ve said before that taking salt out of food is making it taste like crap!

Mini Cheddars have been screwed up by taking it out, most Chinese takeaways have been screwed up (especially the rice, which they now cook in plain water instead of salted), Cornish Pasties usually taste like cardboard because the salt is gone, Pot Noodles the same… the list goes on. Indian restaurants appear to have used a little more common sense (except the ones who offer ‘healthy’ options – what the hell is a curry without oil and salt in it?)

The article was apparently extracted from a forthcoming book: Global Warming And Other Bollocks: The Truth About All Those Science Scare Stories by Professor Stanley Feldman and Professor Vincent Marks. I fancy a look at that to see what the evidence for these claims is.

Well, well, well! The silly little idiot who claimed she had fallen asleep whilst having a tattoo – and ended up with 56 stars on her face instead of just three (is any face tattoo something anyone with a sound mind would consider?) has admitted she lied (see story here).

But the 18-year-old has finally confessed she did not fall asleep, that she wanted all the stars and was ‘fully aware’ of what Toumaniantz was doing.

Miss Vlaminck [Vlaeminck] told a Dutch TV crew: ‘I asked for 56 stars and initially adored them.

‘But when my father saw them, he was furious.

‘So I said I fell asleep and that the tattoist had made a mistake.’

The tattooist – every time I see his photo I imagine I’m having a nightmare – is now off the hook. He originally offered to pay half of what it would cost to have them removed (I bet he was pooping himself over what could happen if he were successfully sued):

But despite insisting Vlaminck had asked for 56 stars, he still initially agreed to pay for half of the treatment to remove the tattoos.

He said: ‘Kimberley is unhappy and it is not my wish to have an unsatisfied client.

‘I don’t regret it. To tell you the truth, this has given me some publicity.’

Toumanaintz is now said to have withdrawn his offer and said from now on he will get written consent from clients before he begins tattooing.

As for Vlaminck… well, I suppose some people are always going to be at the back of the queue when it comes to using their brains. She just started very early in life, and will carry the stigma (and remains of those stars) for a long time to come.

Sometime, you just couldn’t make it up!

In one news story today, two young girls were treated in hospital for burns they sustained to their bare feet after walking on to freshly-laid tarmac.

Fair enough: it’s obviously not something you want to happen – but it happens. It’s what they call ‘an accident’. Well, they used to. But not nowadays. You see, the girls’ parents are going to sue the backsides off whoever they can.

Their parents Robert and Hazel Woodley are now planning to sue for damages, claiming there were no proper signs or barriers to warn holidaymakers of the newly laid surface.

There were cones. And if memory serves me correctly, the rising (and often visible) fumes tend to be a bit of a giveaway. And just what kind of parent allows kids to walk barefoot on what is obviously new (and therefore sticky) tarmac? Burns or not, you just don’t walk barefoot on something which is sticky and dirty.

The father, Robert Woodley, laid it on thick – no doubt in preparation for the millions he is going to try and claim:

“The girls were just screaming in pain. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone in such pain. It was awful for us to see the kids in such agony.”

Mr Woodley said one side of the path was lined with a few traffic cones but there was nothing to stop people walking across the hot surface.

Of course, seeing as a local council is involved, Mr Woodley can probably expect to receive at least a six-figure settlement:

Clive Smith, head of Poole council’s leisure services, said they planned to carry out a full investigation into the incident.

He added: “Leisure services staff were on site immediately after this incident occurred.

“We are taking this incident very seriously.”

Meanwhile, on the other side of the same coin, another story details the sorts of things being banned in schools because they are dangerous.

• pupils have to wear goggles when using Blu-tack
• spray foam banned in case pupils ‘drown in it’
• 3-legged race on Sports Day banned for being ’too dangerous’
• Pritt Stick covered by a 5-page warning guide
• No sending bad kids into the corridor, because it’s a ‘fire hazard’
• Climbing frame removed (bark chippings underneath not of ‘required depth’)
• Wet grass causes PE lessons to be cancelled
• Sweets banned because of choking risk
• Egg cartons banned because of salmonella fears
• Empty roilet roll tubes banned (presumably for similar reasons)
• Footballs banned in playground
• Children only allowed outside if wearing a hat and sunscreen

Those last ones are from the Daily Mail’s version of the story.

It’s no wonder evolution throws up people like Mr Woodley, when society readily provides such an environment for his kind to grow up in.

When I was a kid, we had egg-and-spoon races, three-legged races, played football with anything even remotely spherical, ran, chased, laughed… rain or shine. We climbed trees, fell out of trees, rode bikes to places more than 100 metres away from home, played with hot tar (and got into trouble for ruining our clothes with it)… And we survived.

You fear for the bunch of dependent weaklings being bred today, don’t you?

And one more thing. ‘Back when I were a lad’ if you stood on something hot (or sharp, or wet and clammy) you danced around a bit and got off it… QUICKLY! From the way the tarmac story is worded these two girls must have been standing on it for several minutes… what great parents they must have, eh?

Well done DH for passing this afternoon with just 6 driver faults. He was as nervous as anything, but he pulled it together and got a good result out of it.

Good for me, too. That’s six out of my last seven tests which have been passes, with the ‘worst’ ones being two with 7 driver faults. Also good for the whole year, so far, when I tot them up!

The chair is now complete and in use! If anyone has any questions you can email me here (comments were abused so I turned them off; if anyone abuses the email it will be, too).

Here are a couple of diagrams showing how I put the parts together – you need to refer to parts #1 (plus update), #2, and #3 (plus update) for this to make sense, of course.

First of all, the seating section.

The Seating Section

To put it together, I used a pair of small G-clamps to hold to spacers (SP2a and SP2b) in the positions I had determined for them on one of the struts (A1). I made a weld along one edge so I could get the clamps out of the way, then finished off the welding in a vice. Then, I used the G-clamps again to hold the other strut (A2) in place – I used a mallet to knock it into position to obtain the correct spacing (so my screw-adjust riser would fit). Note that at this stage I also made sure the curved bottom ends were level with each other so the foot (C1) would be horizontal. Then I made the welds as described above.

I used a pair of powerful welding magnets to hold the foot (C1) in place while I welded it in place.

Placement of Seat Plate on Seating Section

I made sure the 45º angle cuts were level with each other (just a little filing was needed to get the Seat Plate to sit level), then I used the welding magnets to hold it in place while I welded it.

Once the seat plate was welded in place (see diagram opposite for placement), I was able to slide in the Seat Support Struts (A1a and A2a) – again holding them in place using the magnets. They actually fit almost perfectly, but I did a little trimming to make sure I got the best fit possible. In each case I welded one side so I could get the magnetic clamps out of the way, then finished off the whole weld (all four sides) in a vice. Note that the dotted squares in the diagram show the approximate placing of the struts on the Seat Plate.

Next, the Knee Section. This is a little easier – note that I originally planned to use two spacers on this section, but I didn’t allow for having to slot the Seating Section through it, and a spacer higher up would have got in the way.

The Kneeling Section

I assembled this in more or less the same way as the Seating Section. Initially, I clamped the spacer (SP1a) in place on one strut (B1) and did a single weld, then finished it off in the vice with the G-clamp out of the way. Then I positioned the other strut (B2), making sure the curved cut-out was level with the other one (for the foot) and that the spacing was correct along the whole length. Then I welded it. I welded on the foot as described for the seating section.

I used my angle grinder and a flap wheel to grind down all the welds and to remove spatter.

Next came the test assembly. Omitting the second spacer from the Kneeling Section had the additional benefit of allowing a little flexibility when it came to sliding the Seating Section between the kneeling struts. But I’d got it right and everything fit. I did have to do a little widening of the holes to get the bolts through – with hindsight I would have drilled after welding (unless you are millimetre perfect there is always going to be a slight mis-alignment).

I painted all the parts using Hammerite Metallic Black (from a tin). I inititially tried Hammerite Silver (from aerosol), but apart from the fact it doesn’t fill in imperfections very well, it also looks a bit cheap – too silver, if you ask me! It also makes a bloody mess.

This is the finished stool, fully painted and assembled. You can see how the riser mechanism fits between two sets of holes, and the other set is where the two sections are joined.

The Completed Kneeling Chair

You can also see the crappy cushions I am using at the moment – the final stage of this project is going to be to make a decent pair (I’ve found a great company called eFoam who can cut foam to measure).

You have to laugh! Heard this story on the radio on my way to my first lesson today.

Let’s just do a quick reality check:

• getting a tattoo is stupid
• getting a face tattoo is stupider

Kimberley Vlaminck from Belgium ignored these two simple rules and went to get some stars tattooed on her face. She reckons she only wanted three stars, but fell asleep during the procedure and ended up with 56 of them!

If you look at the picture, does the phrase “saw the result and had second thoughts” spring to mind, or what?

Kimberley Vlaminck - Face Tattoos

I think this part really gives an insight into what happened:

“The trouble all started when she went home and her father and boyfriend threw a fit. They are saying things now like I doped her or hypnotised her. What rubbish. She asked for 56 stars and that’s what she got.”

Yes, I think “second thoughts” was definitely involved here.

When I was at Uni, there was this bloke – an early Goth-type rocker. He had long black hair, and right in the middle of his forehead – just above his hairline – he’d had a patch about the size of an egg shaved, and in it was a tattoo of a pentagram or something similar.

I mean, can you imagine what he must look like now. His hair will recede above the previous position and he’ll become an old guy with an ugly, stupid faded blue smudge on his head. I doubt he’ll be doing much more than hanging around outside the door of the pub with a pint in his hand at 11.30 in the morning – after all, he’s hardly likely to be a City high-flyer, is he?

Tattoos make a statement: specifically, they state “look at me – I’m a prat.”

It’s not as if they stay clear for very long. I lose count of the number of women I see with tattoos on shoulders, around their upper arms, on their legs which – as the women expand with age – go misshapen and start to fade. With blokes, you just expect this stupidity from some of them… but you’d think women would have more sense.

Oh, and back to Ms Vlaminck. My understanding is that tattoos are painful to get done. They are also drawn carefully by artists, so they take a long time to do. And Ms Vlaminck says she slept through it all? Of course she did…